wow. its been a while eh? in the words of my gurl wend, "it seems like [i] died!!!" so what do i miss? i miss being the way i used to be. how did i end up the way i am? wheres the me that was once free to express myself in any non-destructive way that i saw fit? what happened with all my friends? those "prim and proper" mannerisms. *sigh* being a little bit closer to who i was this past weekend was definatly fun and reviving...should i stay that way? or should i go back to the reserved and boxed up girl i now am?

is life simply just a set of rules for us to follow? or is it in the reinvention of the small things in life that are important? is it spending time with those we love or is it striving to provide a better life for the same people we love? is it working ourselves to death that matters and counts? or is it simply to work a little and to enjoy alot? to sit on a vast amount of resource or to sit on nothing, and be in want? is it to chase after what is fleeting or to suffer through for an eternal inheritance?

what have i learnt in the last 2.5 months? ive learnt what it means to have true friends. and ive learnt who my real friends are. they are the ones that stick by you in the hard times..and im not talking a hard time like i cant find shoes to match my shirt or i cant believe someone has the same shirt as me....real hard times. those times where you need to make decisions and one is to cut part of your life out, and the other part is to cut your heart in half.

in thinking back this past year, what have i learnt? ive learnt what it means to love. and what it means to keep loving even when it is hard. ive learnt what it means to evaluate your life to find who your real friends are. ive learnt to say goodbye to the past, whether it be pains or "friends". ive learnt what it means to count your blessings and to count your real friends. ive learnt what it means to rely on your true friends. ive learnt what it means to be real with others. and ive definatly learnt more about how much God loves me.

along this path, ive had to say good bye to some people. and see you later for some. whether you be in a place dear to your heart, or simply have walked away from me, im glad you were in my life for a time. and i thank God for you, and the ways you have blessed my life. im sad that you have had to go, but i am not sorry that you gone now. people come in and out of your lives for various things. and for various reasons. everything is BEAUTIFUL, in GODS time...not mine. just because you have been taken from me now, doesnt mean that you are gone forever.

to those people who have been with me through the thick and thin, i thank God for you. and i thank God for the ways He has blessed me, through YOU being in my life. to those people who are fairweather friends. i too, thank God for you and for the hard times. although i would have rathered that you been there for me when i needed you, as i have been for you, im glad to have gone through the hard times without you. at least now i know who my real friends are and are not.

to whoever reads this and is NOT part of my life? what a creep. haha. but God bless. i dont know why you are reading this...but if it makes you happy..as long as you're not stalking me..because then i might just need to get the swat team out and hunt your hide down. but if you're stalking me, you shouldnt be far from me...

more to come as proccessing of the last 2 months happens...*sigh*

i lack words of expression.
to whom these words belong to,
in the words of my dear joshie,
you raised me up.

"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life – no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up: To more than I can be."

Thank you.

So.
its been a long time.
wanna know why?
HA! you can ask me. haha.

hows life? its life. not much to say..haha.
some things to think about.

where have i been?
where am i going?
what am i doing?
how am i impacting others?

haha. neways. thats all for now. tag ya later!

so this is how it goes.

one is the favourite child, simply just perfect according to everyone. i will always be compared to her. i will never be good enough to even be called equal to her.

the other is the "alpha" male. why? hes the ONLY male. so he gets away with everything.

when will i be a person?

when will i matter?

the answer is obvious.

never.

good-bye.

no more posts here.

some people should really watch what they say..

especially if what they said isnt even true.

its hard to explain.

you put your heart into something, and you work at it, and then the person/people that the thing is FOR goes and tells you that you're stupid or worthless or hates you for it, or even just plains tells you garbage about yourself... its not a positive experience.

why do i bother? if anything and everything i do regardless of result or attitude or motives for doing it, just gets people to tell me to forget it cuz im not worth it or im just mean?

excuse me, little miss priss. im sorry if i CANT have my life revolve around you 24/7. i tried doing that, but i wasnt getting my school work done. so now that ive taken a step back to focus on my schooling and my life, im now all of a sudden mean? well forget it. dont ever expect me to do anything for you. because even if you begged, i wont do it. since you think im sooo mean to you and to something you claim as your own, as if i had no part in it, maybe you'll understand where all this is comming from.

Thank you for the cross Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crown
You reign victorious
High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.


How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


hahaha. oh dear me. comments anyone? someone explain..

so what did i learn this weekend?

ive learnt to be a better fighter. i've learnt what it means to be on the same team. i've learnt to confront differences with team members. i've learnt to be more honest with myself..and with those who are important in my life.

i've come to understand myself and my heart more. and also, to express myself better.

i've also gotten to know and to understand the significance of my ring more.

...Thanks Daddy.

frig guy.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

i swear.

not ONLY was i betrayed 3 times in the last 12 hrs, my own sister talks to me just so i can drive her home AND screws up my phone.

frig. its SET that way for a reason.

leave me the hell alone.