wow. its been a while eh? in the words of my gurl wend, "it seems like [i] died!!!" so what do i miss? i miss being the way i used to be. how did i end up the way i am? wheres the me that was once free to express myself in any non-destructive way that i saw fit? what happened with all my friends? those "prim and proper" mannerisms. *sigh* being a little bit closer to who i was this past weekend was definatly fun and reviving...should i stay that way? or should i go back to the reserved and boxed up girl i now am?
is life simply just a set of rules for us to follow? or is it in the reinvention of the small things in life that are important? is it spending time with those we love or is it striving to provide a better life for the same people we love? is it working ourselves to death that matters and counts? or is it simply to work a little and to enjoy alot? to sit on a vast amount of resource or to sit on nothing, and be in want? is it to chase after what is fleeting or to suffer through for an eternal inheritance?
what have i learnt in the last 2.5 months? ive learnt what it means to have true friends. and ive learnt who my real friends are. they are the ones that stick by you in the hard times..and im not talking a hard time like i cant find shoes to match my shirt or i cant believe someone has the same shirt as me....real hard times. those times where you need to make decisions and one is to cut part of your life out, and the other part is to cut your heart in half.
in thinking back this past year, what have i learnt? ive learnt what it means to love. and what it means to keep loving even when it is hard. ive learnt what it means to evaluate your life to find who your real friends are. ive learnt to say goodbye to the past, whether it be pains or "friends". ive learnt what it means to count your blessings and to count your real friends. ive learnt what it means to rely on your true friends. ive learnt what it means to be real with others. and ive definatly learnt more about how much God loves me.
along this path, ive had to say good bye to some people. and see you later for some. whether you be in a place dear to your heart, or simply have walked away from me, im glad you were in my life for a time. and i thank God for you, and the ways you have blessed my life. im sad that you have had to go, but i am not sorry that you gone now. people come in and out of your lives for various things. and for various reasons. everything is BEAUTIFUL, in GODS time...not mine. just because you have been taken from me now, doesnt mean that you are gone forever.
to those people who have been with me through the thick and thin, i thank God for you. and i thank God for the ways He has blessed me, through YOU being in my life. to those people who are fairweather friends. i too, thank God for you and for the hard times. although i would have rathered that you been there for me when i needed you, as i have been for you, im glad to have gone through the hard times without you. at least now i know who my real friends are and are not.
to whoever reads this and is NOT part of my life? what a creep. haha. but God bless. i dont know why you are reading this...but if it makes you happy..as long as you're not stalking me..because then i might just need to get the swat team out and hunt your hide down. but if you're stalking me, you shouldnt be far from me...
more to come as proccessing of the last 2 months happens...*sigh*
