happy burf day joeie and ben!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and on to my dumb story for today. :D
omg! today? at yogi's noodles? omg
1. they took SOO long to get our stuff ready
2. they blamed church for it being so busy
3. they want church to split services so that it can cater to us all
4. they screwed up my order.
*sigh* thats one too many things for one day....

oh wells.. i suppose time to get some work done...
finals are comming, and im procrastinating like nuts
its also a freaky time.. cuz i NEED to do well...
like hubert says, "its prayer time."
so me is off to do some work or something.......

and just for you silas, cuz i know how you love to laugh at me,
i walked into the handles on the cupboards in the kitchen at church.
yeah. dumb bum. i know. oks you can laugh now.

so another day goes by.
im watching this movie.
and im crying.
crybaby.

guess what i learned from a *fob* movie?
(its not a fob movie. jon just thinks it is.. :Þ)
Gods kinda like ah Hey's dad.
He just knows when we need him
Hes just rite there beside you.
look around. you'll find Him.

--------------------------------------

and happy burfday carolyn....
er.. happy belated burfday....
its kinda sunday morning now... whoops..
but yeha.. happy burf day....

Gods love is just amazing.
He is peace in the midst of chaos.

amazing how God understands us, loves us, and cares for us.
amazing how He shows us all of this in the simplest things;
yet how often we miss these signs from Him.
funny how the weather seems to be God saying to us that he understands
funny how the smallest acts of kindness is God sayiing he loves us.
funny how we feel so relaxed in the midst of chaos as God tells us he cares.
isnt this just all amazing?

happy burfday jon!!!!!!... hehe... alex.. how did that even start!? hehe

neways.. stressish day.. i had like 2 classes. needless to say. i didnt get that much done. wonderful eh? *Sigh* stinking math test. omg.. if i live past it, i'll let you know. until then. wish me luck. cant wait for all these like exams and stuff to be over. MAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh*.. but then i remember what someone once said to me. that person said that in our weakness, his strength is made perfect in us. how i think to that. and from that, i think of that passage in matthew. matthew 11:28-30 to be exact. oh how i love this passage when everything seems to just fall apart and weigh me down. it says:
"Come to me all you who are wearly and burdened,
and i will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and
learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is
easy and my burden is light."
what better words do you need from Him? *sigh* i think its time to stop procrastinating and get to graphing those garbage graphs for calculus... *sigh* why do i hafta graph????? oh wells.. if i wanna do well... and NOT fail. time to gets.

HAPPY BURFDAY CHAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*sigh* and onto me... haha.. i sound so selfish and conceited... haha.. maybe i am. just maybe... haha.. probably am... oh wells.. so anyways, i have class starting at like 9 am today.. and then today was a "special" day. there was this psych lab test tutorial thinger. and ya know what? i "ends" at 9. its past 9, and hes STILL not done... URGH.. so i just got up and left.. *Sigh* i kinda wish i stayed.. but then not really. i woulda been so fustrated at him it wouldnt have been nice... *sigh* and then i have a row meeting in like 10 mins.. so WHEN am i gonna get to do my hmwk? or study for my test? *sigh* cant. deal. any. more. no more. im done. well. i SHOULD be done.. but im not. and its hard. but hey. no one said this path was gonna be easy rite? so why am i assuming that its gonna be smooth sailing when its not? *sigh* silly me.. im such a dumb bum. oh wells.. better that i lernt it later then never at all. rite? oks... off to my silly silly SILLY but quick row meeting.

HAPPY BURFDAY JON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

neways...

so. its been a couple of days.

what am i thinking?
some of the most hated people are ourselves.

so what have i lernt?
some days we're like Peter.
not just ANY peter, but the Peter in the Bible.
when he was walking on water, he was focused on Jesus.
when he took his eyes off Him, he got scared and he started sinking.
when he started sinking, that was when Peter cried out.
and that was when Jesus reached his hand out and held him.

so how does this apply? what does this mean?
this just means that im a peter.
so often times im trying to hold my own. trying to be strong
but you know what? i cant. its impossible.
so often times im just me, and im just running.
but running from what? i cant even say.
its like running when theres nothing to run from.
it just doesnt work too well.
so its time that i cried out to God and let him take care of me.
not just let him take care of a lil bit. but the whole.
time to go deal with everything.

When I'm a sparrow in the winter, You are a seed I find
When I'm a heart with a splinter, Your blood keeps me alive
If I could call you a color, You'd be the deepest of blues
If I had my pleasure of anything, You'd be the one that I'd choose

Now it's crystal clear I'm falling for You
Now that I can see the mystery's revealed
Now I'm coming clean
I can feel my fears released
Now it's crystal clear I'm falling for You

I'm soft like clay
Your hands they mold me
For You, I would run away
Just to hear You calling out my name

Now it's crystal clear I'm falling for You
Now that I can see the mystery's revealed
Now I'm coming clean
I can feel my fears released
Now it's crystal clear I'm falling for You

I'm broken and empty
Without You, I'm blinded
I need You,
I need You near me, I need You near me

Now it's crystal clear I'm falling for You
Now that I can see the mystery's revealed
Now I'm coming clean
I can feel my fears released
Now it's crystal clear I'm falling for You

Please catch me, I'm falling for You...

if only you knew what you're doing to me.
maybe then you wouldnt rip my beating
heart out and destroy it while i still have
strenght to watch you do it...

oks. so i need to explain my msn name
currently, it is: "<>< '.' <-- not here. not there either. dun bother. i wont be found. check blog. you'll see."

so. here goes the explination. to be gone would be a bliss...one that shall be soon enough.
***********************************************************************************
you said that you'd always be there for me.
you said that you'd always here me when i call.
even if i didnt call.

you said that you'd always listen.
you said that we'll always be.
but we're not.

you said that i was important.
silly me. see the past tense?
i didnt. not the first time either.

you knew it was comming.
you knew what was happening.
you chose to lie instead.

lied to yourself.
lied to me.
silly you.

but you know what?
its ok. it always is.
and it always will be.

i told you i'd be there if you needed me to
i told you that we'll always be best of friends.
i told you that i will listen when you call.

silly me. how nieve can i be?
whats the point in this?
whats the point in lying to me and to you?

so this time, i know what to do.
this time, i can stand on my own.
this time, i can breathe on my own.

you can call. i wont be here.
you can need me there, and i wont be
you can care, but what difference does it make?

truth of the matter?
you wont call.
you dun need me there.

never have and never will.
silly me.
to think that someone would?

and here i take my leave.
look for me if that fits into your schedule.
you wont find me.

look where i usually am when i need to go.
i wont be there.
i wont be anywhere.

try it.
go ahead.
i dare you.

you wont win.
not this time.
not ever again.

i've lernt to stand on my own.
try it. test it.
you'll see.

but it wont matter.
because you dun care.
it wouldnt make a difference.

see. i know you better then you think.
you dun know me as well as you know you do.
surprise surprise.

Tim Huges says it best in "Consuming Fire"

There must be more than this
O breath of God come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for You
Fill us anew we pray Fill us anew we pray

CHORUS:
Consuming fire fan into flame A passion for Your name
Spirit of God fall in this place Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way with us

Come like a rushing wind
Clothe us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandoned to Your praise
Lord let Your glory fall, Lord let Your glory fall

so we breathe in and we breathe out.
the start of a new breath.

have we ever stopped to thank those around us?
have we ever stopped to pray for those around us?
have we ever stopped to think of those with less then us?
have we ever stopped to pray for the persucuted church?

didnt think so.

amazing eh?

Liz Phair - Why Can't I

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

The problem is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
for this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you


......why cant i just be me?

why is life hard?
why must one turn on the other?
why is there pain?

"There must be more than this
O breath of God come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for You
Fill us anew we pray Fill us anew we pray

"Consuming fire fan into flame A passion for Your name
Spirit of God fall in this place Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way with us

"Come like a rushing wind
Clothe us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandoned to Your praise
Lord let Your glory fall, Lord let Your glory fall

...*sigh*... to be able to be who i am, stripped of all other things, would be a blessing.
to be understood would be amazing. to be loved is awsome.....*sigh*

what else is new? not much. i couldnt tell you. even if i watned to.
one day. better is one day in his courts. thinking of that one day.

wanting to just disappear and to vanish. one day. it shall happen.

...waiting for the day...

Here I am, looking in the mirror
An open face, the pain erased
And now the sky is clearer
I can see the sun
Now that all, all is said and done, oh

There you are
Always strong when I need you
You let me give And now I need, seriously and protected
With the one I will love
After all is, all is said and done

I once believe that hearts were made to bleed
Inside I once believed, that hearts were ment to bleed
But now I’m not afraid to say
I need you, I need you so stay with me

These precious hours
Spend each hour in open arms
And dream into, into tomorrow
Where there’s only love
After all is, all is said and done

Oh baby
Inside I once believed, that hearts were meant to bleed
I’ll never be afraid to say I need you,
I need you, so here

So here we are in the still of the moment
Fear is gone, hope lives on
We found our happing ending
For there’s only love
And this sweet, sweet love
After all is, all is said and done
Yeah baby after all is
All is said and done

i only got one thing to say.
to my lil sis....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SAMMI
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!


and that is all. muahaha ^-~

Jesus, Lover of My soul; Jesus, I will never let you go;
You've taken me from the miry clay,
You've set my feet upon the rock and now I know
I love You, I need You, Though my world will fall,
I'll never let you go;
My savior, my closest Friend,
I will worship You until the very end.

... and all God's ppl say? Amen.

All who are thirsty,
All who are weak,
Come to the fountain,
Dip your heart in the stream of life.
Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of his mercy
As deep cries out to deep (We sing)

Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Holy Spirit, Come.
Holy Spirit, Come.
Holy Spirit, Come.

-amen