a trip to refershment..

WOW...its been a while...

in the midst of everything..in trying to follow God's path for me. in figuring out where he wants me to go and who he wants me to keep in my life..one of my lil brothers reminded me of thigns that i have failed to put into words in a long, long time. but one thing for sure is to ALWAYS stop to thank, praise and love God..because HE LOVES US. like that quote says: "do not get discouraged - it may be the last key on the ring that opens the door" [Stansifer].

so without further adieu, here is a poem, a servant's heart, written by my dear lil brother Gabe Li.

"My Friend, My Father, My King
This is what my religion means to me
It’s not just something people talk about
It’s a life long journey that only ends
When my time is up and I’m dancing on
White clouds beside my one and only KING.
I’m dancing in heaven beside my King because
This is how I show my love for my King who
Gave his life on the cross so that I could be free
Shown me forgiveness when I stumble
Given me strength in time of need
This kind of love is unheard of in the world today
A love that I don’t deserve, one that won’t ever be matched
Not even by my future wife and that too is given by his love
I’m so glad I’m part of this it’s the best decision I ever made
What’s even greater this love is for everyone
The unloved, Criminals, Enemies
His love never runs dry it’s there every moment of my life
Now you can see why I call him
My Friend, My Father, MY KING!"

reflect on the words...where IS your heart? Wheres God's place in your heart? in your life? its not gonna be hard to trust God with your all..but try it.. much like how i had to learn (and still learning) to give up my ideal, fairy-tale life..with the happily ever after as soon as i meet my prince..some things are harder to deal with...the longer the wait, the sweeter the wine.

Think of Me.

Think of me, think of me fondly, when we've said, goodbye.
Remember me, once in a while -please promise me, you'll try.

When you find that, once again, you long
to take your heart back and be free -
if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me ...

We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember, stop and think of me ...

Think of all the things we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things which might have been ...

Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind.

Recall those days, look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do - there will
never be a day, when I won't think of you ...



Can it be?
Can it be Christine?

What a change! You're really not a bit
the gawkish girl that once you were ...

She may not remember
me, but I remember her ...



We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but please promise me that sometimes
you will think ah-ah-ah-ah-aaah-of me!

__

sometimes i wish my life was like Christines. Nice and simple, and uncomplicated. Where people DO mean what they say and say what they mean to do. where my heart stops breaking, because the same people dont keep teling me that i dont matter, and dont keep forgetting me.

Where being with me is something important, not another chore to do,
where spending time with me is a joy, not a burdan
where i am loved and cherished in my times of sorrow, and not reprimended for it
where i can be free to laugh and cry and be human, in the midst of your robotic natiure

In the end, it is a question of the heart. Where is YOUR heart? Who do you trust with it? What do you dare to place inside of it, to house in your house of crystal?

someone, once told me, "a heart is a fragile thing. that's why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely, and why it means so much more than we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer, somehow, like crystal in a world of glass, even the way they shatter is beautiful."

some people are just so scared to even look at their own heart, they hide it away in some back closet, hoping that if they themselves dont even touch it, then perhaps their heart will never break. but in hiding their hearts, they go through life, day in and day out...just short of being robotic and mechanical.

in the book "the ransomed heart" by john eldredge, he talks about the story of elisha in the old testiment. the last story we have recorded of elish is about king jehoash. Elisha was dying, and isreal was in trouble. in the recordings of 2 kings 13:18-20, elisha gave king johoash some arros and told him to strike the ground. the king did as he was told...but only for 3 times. and elisha got mad at him, and then died.

to this, john eldredge says, " What a strange story! why was the old prophet so angry? because the king was nonchalant; he was passionless, indifferent. He gave the ground a whack or two. his heart wasnt in it. God says, in effect, 'if that is how little you csre about the future of your people, then that is all the help you will get.' in other words, if your hearts not in it, well then, neither is mine. you cant lead a country, let alone flourish in a marriage, with an attitude like that. to abondon desire is to say, 'i dont really n eed you; i dont really want you. but i will live with you because, well, im supposed to.' it is a grotesque corruption of what was meant to be a beautiful dance between desire and devotion" (pg. 55)

to all of my dears who read this, and to my dearest. the question i have for you today is WHERE is your heart? are you settling for simple function and survival? or are you gonna step it up and tell the dark forces, you want to LIVE? are you gonna shut up, sit down and believe in the lies? or are you goona stand up and tell the lies to shut up, sit down and believe in the truth?

this choice is a choice you need to make every day. to choose life, or to choose the death of the heart. i wish i could make this chocie for you each and every day, dearest. but it is you who must make this choice. i can only stand silently in the wings of the production of your life, to cheer you on, and to pray for you, and help pick you up when you stumble...but only if you let me.

the question isnt am i here..the question is, are you willing to be here too?

this is HILARIOUS!! i couldnt stop laughing when i watched it!! hahaha!!!! SO true for some girls!! its like OMG!! hahahaha!!!!

this is sooo sad!!!

heres the story line: "After their first date, Edison suddenly vanish from the world. When Edison graduated from the Police Acadamy, he was asked to be an undercover cop in a gang of illegal car racers. Without realzing, when he agrees is when his life began to make a complete change. From that point on, Ed and Gill leads 2 different life. Gil went all over the places to look for him....she call him over and over...but nothing can make him reapear back into her life. In the end, Ed was discovered by the gang boss that he is an undercover and was beaten to death. At last, gil finaly knows what happen to ed and she is really sad. What ed left back in this world for her is their first, and only date..and he will forever stays in her heart"

its by a guy named Tension, and its called "our story".
i dunno what i would do if i were her...

some things ive been learning about these days..

who am i really? do i even know who i am?i used to define my self by the world..but that was wrong..and God took that away from me..so i had to go to him and find out who i really am...it seems that this last month, ive been defining myself by the ways i serve..but thats should just be what i do out of my expression of love for God..out of my thankfulness for him, and everything hes done for me...yet..somehow..one lie after another...i now find myself defining myself by the ways im serving Him...

what a silly girl.

so back to the beginning, learning to go with God, and going where he wants me to go, all over again...falling head over heals with your first love, all over again..its like making up again after a fight..its the best feeling in the world..because thats when you FULLY know and FEEL that you've been forgiven..and freed from sin.

funny how that option is always open to us...yet we dont always ask..

this is such a sad song!!! '.'; hhahaha..i wish it was the luther vandross one tho..i LOVE his voice SO much more...and this one DEFINATLY sounds WAY too country...hahhahaha...*sigh* what song to wake up to..it really makes the rest of your day seem dreary...and this cloudy day outside isnt helping much either..maybe if i go to sleep now...all will be better the next time i wake up again..

remember to smile, it confuses people.

a simple friend has never seen you cry.
a real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

a simple friend doesnt know your parent's first names.
a real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

a simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
a real friend comes early to help you cook and stayes late to help you clean.

a simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
a real friend asks why you took so long to call.

a simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
a real friend seeks to help you with your problems

a simple friend wonders about your romantic history
a real friend could blackmail you with it

a simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
a real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself

a simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument
a real frind knows that its not a friendship until after you've had a fight

a simple friend expects you to always be there for them
a real friend expects to always be there for you!

something on my heart i guess..hahaha

Somehow I know that
There's a place up above
With no more hurt and struggling
Free of all atrocities and suffering
Because I feel the unconditional love
From one who cares enough for me
To erase all my burdens
And let me be free to

Fly like a bird
Take to the sky
I need you now Lord
Carry me high
Don't let the world break me tonight
I need the strength of you by my side
Sometimes this life can be so cold
I pray you'll come and carry me home

Can we recover
Will the world ever be
A place of peace and harmony
With no war and with no brutality
If we loved each other
We would find victory
But in this harsh reality
Sometimes I'm so despondant
That I feel the need to

Fly like a bird
Take to the sky
I need You now Lord
Carry me high
Don't let the world break me tonight
I need the strength of You by my side
Sometimes this life can be so cold
I pray You'll come and carry me home

Keep your head to the sky
With God's love you'll survive

Fly like a bird
Take to the sky
I need you now Lord
Carry me high
Don't let the world break me tonight
I need the strength of You by my side

Sometimes this life can be so cold
I pray You'll come and carry me home
Carry me higher, higher, higher
Carry me higher, higher, higher
Carry me home
Higher Jesus
Carry me higher Lord

Thank you Jesus, Amen

the things companies will ask you to do, just to earn money..i mean common...making money by putting some ad thing on your blog?! all i want to do is express myself..and maybe if im lucky, what im going through, someone...whoever reads this thing anymore, can connect to...maybe help their life a bit...or at least let them know they're not alone in what they're feeling...if they feel the same way as i do..

mariah's gotta be my hero. i LOVE her voice! i wish i could sing like her...than maybe i'll never stop singing...i'll never stop praising..but i know she has her troubles too..lauryn hill too..kinda funny how im back to where i was before that punk rock stuff...actually..rock in general..thank God for music..for having artists publish their work!



sorry..its so fuzzy... but this song and this one:



but i like the lauryn hill one more..

focus on what God wants you to do..i know, easier said than done..

why is it that i am wanting you, needing you, wanting me, needing me? ..but i guess you'll never hear these words from me..

Lord, im tired. Lord help me to keep walking on the path you've given me. and Lord, if its not too much trouble, give me strength to overcome this brokendown body of mine. and to keep me from being discouraged by the problems, and to keep my eyes on you. amen.