as my piano is being tuned (yes sammi.. its FINALLY being tuned... RITE NOW as we speak... so come home soon! and JAM TIME!!! hehehe.. remember that camp? jam? oh jz. hahaha) neways, i was thinking about what has happened in the last couple days..a whirlwind of things really. for one, i finally saw what was happening to my frined...and its not pretty...i worry. i really do.. to just seeing how wonderfully God has his timing, to how wonderful my family of friends are....each one of them has a role in my life. and for the most part? its pointing me back to God or reminding me how wonderful and how loving God is...its not an easy thing to remember when you feel like you've been shattered and broken to pieces.

this morning. as im trying to eat breakfast with my family, i get a whole load of bs reasons on why i cant do somethings and how other people can. excuse me. dont tell me you dont play favourites. i know you do. and i know im not a favourite. stop telling me that we're all the same, cuz i know we're not. as im trying to read my cell bio book, i am constantly reminded of all these things that just keep haunting me. and idont know why they do. for one, that was AGES ago. so why wont it just go away?

time and time again, im reminded of the uglyness in me and the scars on me. how people around me can look past it, or even refuse to believe that they exist is beyond me. how they dont see how fragmented my life is, is amazing, because everytime i look at me, thats all i see. broken pieces of me, which i sometimes can hide away, so that no one sees. funny how i "have time" to do all this thinking when really. i should be studying for my exams.. sorry. cramming. oh wells i guess.. in Psalms 46, it says "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."