so. i was talking to one of my gurls yesterday..and it was awsome. she just COMPLETELY knew what was going on, and i didnt hafta tell her much, and she just understood what was going. God-sent really. i was always amazed at how well we got along, when i see her at=t most like 3 times a week..and we dont spend THAT much time together. its hard to deal with the unknown. especially if all you're told is enough to just KNOW its bad..just nothing else to do with it. talk about repressed memories. i didnt always think that repressed memories were real..it just always amazed me. and yet, here i am...with repressed memories..and theres nothign i can do to recover them, except know that the person who told me is trustable and would never lie to me.

i was listening to one song by system of a down. its called chop suey. ive always liked it. but i never quite knew why. and know i know. because yesterday, after trying to do work and my stupid internet wasnt working, and being fustrated, i was listening to that song. things clicked. amazing. here. read the lyrics. you'll understand. cant wait for exams to be done. some ppl just need to be sat down and talked to.

Wake up
(wake up)
Grab a brush and put on a little make up
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
(hide the scars to fade away the shakeup)
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table
There you go create another fable
You wanted to
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup
You wanted to
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
You wanted to
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table
I don’t think you trust in my self righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die (die)
Wake up
(wake up)
Grab a brush and put on a little make up
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
(hide the scars to fade away the shakeup)
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table
There you go create another fable
You wanted to
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup
You wanted to
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
You wanted to
Why’d you leave the keys up on the table
I don’t think you trust in my self righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
Father father father father
Father into your hand I comend my spirit
Father into your hand why have you forsaken me in your eyes
Forsaken me in your thoughts
Forsaken me in your heart
Forsaken me ohh
Trust in my self righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die

as i was saying to my gurl yesterday... THIS is what God hasta say. "you silly lil gurl. dun worry. daddy's here." that is to me. to her. to everyone. "daddy's here". like one of my gurls knows, she just told me to look up, just so randomly one day. and i never knew why. well now im looking up. and i KNOW in my head AND my heart, Daddy's here.