so whats going on with me?
whats wrong with me?
why am i being so different now?
why am i being so distant?

truth be told, i feel inadequate.
im not a good listener
im not a good friend
im not a good sister
im just not good enough.

it seems like thats all ppl hafta say to me.
or they ask me how i am, and most of them expect the good or the ok.
couple ppl really wanna know whats going on.

but how do you express whats going on in like 30 words?
...or even what you've been going through in the last little bit in 1 minute?
how do you express the stuggles? the joys? or even last week?
when a week seems like it was a whole month.
and a whole month feels like an eternity.

maybe their right and maybe im just not good enough.
maybe their wrong and they're just lying to me.
maybe their right, but for all the wrong reasons.
maybe their wrong, but with all the right motives.

or maybe its just me failing at things that matter to me..
and the world telling me falsehoods.

ive failed myself.
in dreams, expectations, life, almost everything.
ive failed my grandma and everything SHE lived for. how wonderful is that?

she taught me to be better.
she tried to make me better.
she showed me a better way of life.

and ive failed them all. and ive forgotten.

even simple things from school to my health to my diet..
ive failed her in so much.

..and now i must live up to those consequences.

im sorry grandma.