some people think they know me.



they think they know who i am.

.....do they really

do they really know what i think?
what i feel?
what my opinions are?
what i fear?
what i love?



it amazes me how some people think that just because theyve known you for a while that they know whats going on in your head, in your life, and in your heart.




NEWS FLASH. not true.


do you know why i feel shattered?
do you know how i almost lost my mommy?
do you know how i almost died? or how many times i almost died?
do you know how i feel when you snap at me?
do you know what i care about the most?
do you know what my aspirations are?
do you know what makes me truely happy?
do you know what makes me feel better no matter what?
do you know who you are to me?



please. dont define me in your terms.
just because you think im happy, doesnt mean i am.
just because i seem to always be doing something, doesnt mean i know what im doing
just because you choose to assume all things are well, doesnt mean all things are.

you know. i believed. i advocated. i urged others. and yet, here i am. the past holds me. it holds me accountable. its like that song.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel"

kinda sad when you relate to songs that well. its like they were written for you. i try. i honestly try. and i tried. i tried hard. but what difference does it make? none. none of it makes any difference, no matter what i do. so why try? beyond me. honestly. heres a thought.

I've done evrything as you say, I followed your rules without question, I thought it would help me see things clearly, but instead of helping me to see, i look around and it's like I'm blinded. I'm spinning out of control...out of control. I'm spinning out of control...out of control.

Where should I go? What should I do? I dont understand what you want from me. 'cause I dont know if I should trust you or all of the things you've said to me. and I may never know the answer to this endless mystery. Where should I go? What should I do? I dont understand what you want from me.

I feel like I'm spinning out of control, try to focus but everything's twisted. and all along I thought you would be here to let me know I'm not alone but in fact that's exactly what I was. I'm spinning out of control...out of control. I'm spinning out of control...out of control.

All alone and spinning out of control. Out of control...

you can tell me what you think. what you feel. what you think that I should think, or what i should do. but let me tell you know, and consider yourself warned. whatever you hafta say to me? i wont be listening. all those times i listened to you, all those times i thought you wanted what was best for me. never again. i was supid once. but you cant be stupid forever. i now know.