does anyone ever get the feeling that their living in a dream?

some days, i wake up, not wanting to wake up. but its not because i didnt sleep well... but cuz i wake up, and i feel like im living in a dream. you know that saying "if its too good to be true, then it probably is"? well let me tell ya, thats what im scared of. i mean, what if this is all some lie that i've tricked myself into believing and the truth couldnt be further from this? somedays, i wake up thinking that this is all just a dream and that the truth is some where far far beyond... let me tell you, those days are hard.

i look at myself sometimes, and i wonder. what do my friends see in me? why do they still love me? i look at myself and question the sanity of some people. why do they wanna spend time with me??? im nothing but a human wreck. and eventually, their lives will be destroyed in some way or another by me. look at my life. what have i done for others? nothing at best. harm them at worst. ask anyone. they can tell you what i've done to them, or for them. done nothing to them, probably messed up their life in some fundamental way. wonderful friend i am. *sigh* honestly. i wonder whats going on in my head some days. i mean why am i harming those that i supposedly love?

someone ask me. am i good enough? i'd say no. he deserves better. what does he see? good question. i'll tell ya when i know and when i've stopped questioning his sanity for his decisions. such a sweetie. *sigh* too good to be true... lets hope i never wake up from this dream..

maybe this is just my crazy self talking cuz its so early in the day and my body's bio clock is being shifted like mad... maybe.