just some thoughts for you today...i was talking to one of my brothers, and this is what he said to me, "sometimes, u've done everything u could, n the rest is up to God" that is so true, now come to think of it. amazing how bright and smart and mature lil brothers can be rite? after all, the older one IS supposed to take care of the younger one... but not in this case. its my lil brother taking care of me.

you know what else my intelligent lil brother said to me? he said "stop looking at the stuff that u didnt do" funny how its such a simple thing, and its common sense.. but apparently not to me.. hmm.. i needed someone to tell me that.. i've always known that i cant change the past, so why didnt that part occur to me? weird eh?

i also told him i felt like a failure, and explained why... which wont be mentioned here.. if you wanna know you cant msg me or something....but yeah THAT he was quite blunt with.

i dun think God creates failures
either A: ur not created by God
or B: God created u, therefore, ur not a failure

its like DUH vic. how stupid can you be??? let me tell you. i can be a lot more stupid then that. because i wanted to believe him. but i couldnt. i just wouldnt. but you know what? hes rite. hes VERY rite infact. i remember theres this one poster from sunday school like a couple years ago. on it, it said "God doesn't make junk" how true is that? some days i just feel completely useless and like gargabe thats missed garbage day. its like garbage that even the garbage man doesnt wanna pick up to chuck out.. at LEAST have the decency to chuck me out rite? but whatever...

anyways, we talked some more. i asked him. "then why does it hurt so much when we fail?" my very intelligent brother then told me, "because we dont like to fail" oh how true is that? and he continues...

but if we dun fall, we cant get back up
if we dun fall, we'll never learn how to break the fall, so that we can get hurt less
if we dun fall, we cant help others not to fall
if we dun fall, we wont grow
if we dun fall, we dun need God

funny how i never thought of it like that. how true it is tho. it is BECAUSEwe fail and we are imperfect that we need God... wow.. so much learning to nite. SOO much... surprizingly, it didnt hurt THAT much... cuz this time i wasnt deaf to Him.. i was just dumb... but what else is new? it was just a long period this time.. hehe

to sum up what my wise and not so old friend said IN his own words, "any1 that loves u, wont see ur faults, but ur good sides" and i guess thats all i need to know.. and all i need to believe. and at the end of our long and very much needed conversation, this is what was concluded....

vic: its not like i dont believe you ***......its just hard to
friend: it's not that hard to believe the truth. dun believe in satan's lies
vic:if it wasnt so hard to beleive the truth, more ppl would LOVE God rite?
friend: it's not hard to see the truth, only when u REFUSE to see it

theres something to think about... in my calander, theres a quote of John Muir. it says "the sun shines not on us, but in us"... thanx for praying for me. and for just plain putting up with me.. i dunno how you guys do it... cuz i'd go nuts if i were you...you are TRUELY a God-given gift...