AHHH!!!! super fustration today!!! but Gods love is STILL awsome.
at ecf on thurs, we had a speaker come in. her name is Darla Walker.
we talked about what love really is.

she told us of the 3 kinds of love that the world offers:
--> "if" love
--> "because" love
--> trash love

and then we talked about Gods love. everyday in the world, we are bombarded with conditional love, Gods love differes... it is UNconditional. not only is it uncondiontal, itis also:
--> boundless (a new way of thinking that i never thought of)
--> never failing
--> perfect
--> constant <--you just cant be seperated from it!

you know what i lernt?
--> we are to be "Jesus-with-skin-on" (thats what she called it)
-->with this supernatural love, we are to show this love to the world
but what God said to me through Darla, was this:

God had ONE son. the life of that ONE son, God willingly gave up for me. so that i could be with God and to know this love...even if it was just the smallest fraction of it... so small that i will never understand most of it. and most importantly: God and God alone, will meet my deepest needs

so you know what this means?
-->it hurts because nothing can replace God's love
-->i want something that i know wont happen because im just deaf &dumb
-->i miss something, because talking through a "door", really isnt talking.
-->im exausted because i am weary. and have ignored matt 11:28.
-->im lost because i dont know who i am anymore
-->im "forgotten" because my world is gone, & it cant be put back together
-->a handful of people's action means the world to me, because they ARE my world
-->i want to cry because i am no more. and the cries of my world are strong
-->my heart is broken, because too many things have broken it to even know what broke it

but its all good. because you know what? God will meet all my needs. what more can i ask for? can i ask for more love? no... Gods love is infinate. can i ask for more mercy or grace? no.... Gods already given me that.

God never promised that the road would be easy. but there IS one thing he guarentees. and that is His glory will be shown to the world. in Luke 9:23, it says:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

and for those of us who are kinda deaf, dumb and or blind to God, just like me...

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat--I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how."

walking the trails is way better then the paved road. if all you're travelling on, is the paved road.. come walk the trails. then you'll truely see how amazing Gods work is.. and how wonderful his creation is. all you see in on the paved roads is humans in the drivers seat. only when you're walking the paths, can you see how mighty and amazing God truely is.

if you dont know this path and you wanna know it? talk to me. just remeber one thing. and that is that God IS love. and that He loves you VERY much. so much, that he watched his only son die, in order to give YOU life.