"if you love something let it go... if it doesnt come back to you, it was never really yours"you see. thats what i finally understood fully today. ask yourself this. what have price have i paid? then ask yourself why you truely paid that price. was it because of a selfish reason? was it because of fear? or was it because you loved?

many ppl will come and go in your life. its a known fact. think of your best friends from kindergarten. think of your best friends now. in my experience? one friendship i have lost and regained is with julie. thanx gurl for ALWAYS being there. you're the best! through it all, shes always been there. but look at everyone else that was there at alexmuir? how many of those people do i still talk to? yeah. look at me and wendy's friendship. sure we went through our ups and downs, but then what relationship doesn't? some days its good. some days its bad. but throught it all, shes been there. what other of my friends from that dreaded school do i still talk to? (minus sisquo... cuz he just keeps talking to me... and nelly... cuz in his words: '[he's] very 8' haha.

many ppl will also turn on you. and im not gonna give examples, cuz im sure you have your own.. and if not.. then let me tell you im VERY jealous. but thats ok. cuz its only me. and what difference does it make if im jealous or not of you? chances are that you wont care. but its all good. rite?

i guess whats kinda going on in my head are the songs "perfect" by simiple plan, and "forever" by vertical horizon. and if you dunno what im talking about, then you can read the lyrics.

Forever ~ Vertical Horizon
Take these roses all from me
Let me live, let me be
For a little while
Let my eyes,
See everything and nothing in their time
I do not mind

Who've guess I'd learn
To let the walls around me burn
Light up the hillside
My words, I ate them for so long and nothing changed
It was just the same

And I don't know if you see me
But I can tell you your face is clear
I will see you...

Forever
Forever
I will see you
Forever
Forever

Call me close once again
Call me teacher, call me friend
Just like the first time
Call my name, it echos around me in this room
Its all you

I don't know if you hear me there
But it's dark so no one cares
I will hear you...

Forever
Forever
I will hear you
Forever
Forever

I wanted you to be everything to me
Now I've got to learn to carry on
I know I cannot hide this emptiness inside
But nothing is the same since you've gone

Send me letters from above
Send me strength, send me love
Such sweet love
Sing me songs that echo in my head and in my heart
That's where you are

And I don't know if you feel me here
I can tell you one thing that's clear
I will feel you...

Forever
Forever
I will feel you
Forever
Forever
I will hear you
Forever
Forever
I will see you
Forever
Forever

Take these roses all from me
Let me live, let me be

Perfect ~ simple plan

Hey dad look at me.
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time...
Doing things I wanna do
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

theres this one quote. it says "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." but if you paid the price of friendship...why are you paying that price? you see, that is a very high price to pay. if you choose to pay the price of friendship, let me tell you. it is a very high price to pay. one thing that puzzled me was this one quote. it says "if you think about everybody, then you'll start missing them" and how true is that. if its in your face, you're only gonna remember the horid price you paid day in and day out. i probably dont make too much sense... probably shouldnt have done a couple of things tonite... a lil too late for that... anyways, i guess what im saying is, take the time to listen to your friends. trust me. in the end, it makes this "payment" if you wish to call it that, so much more easier. because you at least know in the end that what you paid wasnt futile... and that what you did was right and that they know what you did was right. i think thats what i struggle with. but whatever. its not like it matters rite? let me ask you a question. when it comes down to it, what TRUELY matters? thought provoking isnt it?